Little wobbly bird legs…me (originally published late 2021)
Different Ground
“For you I was
strong as the sea
Hand held
Firm Tight
Protective Constant
Right there
Advocating
Holding Nurture
One hundred per cent
on your side
One step ahead
Making things
As right as I could
Ready to do battle
Steadfast
Dedicated
Gentle and fiercely loving
Beyond what I knew I could give
and god can I give
Not going anywhere
Here till the end and beyond
Now I have to
somehow
be that for myself
But it’s different
This is different ground
this strange new self
thrown into
daily tsunamis
Which you cannot
Hold back for me
The only way I can
describe how it feels
is to tell you
what I keep imagining
that my soul is
a tiny injured bird
no longer able to fly
Fallen out of a nest
It can never return to
I imagine how
I cup my hands gently
around its shape
too vulnerable
to touch
As it stumbles
Sways
The world too jolting
On high alert
I cannot be
What I was for you for me
Still I do my best
For this strange creature
Slowly slowly
I offer drops of water
A small taste
of this or that
Make a soft bed
cosy shawls
Wrap up
Move to quiet
safe spaces
Dim harsh lights
turn down the sun
Only invite
gentle kind people
To sit beside
Promise to try
Not to leave myself
Let time unfold
Not talk to you of
Learning to fly
Or other cliches
Wait with jagged breaths
Cup hands around
this startled shape
Try to tend to
these
shaky
little
birds
legs
To not turn
my face away “
Clare Jasmine Beloved written on 2nd October 2021
A Beloved Grief … diary entries and writing by Clare Jasmine Beloved after the death of her wife, Sandra Richardson from metastatic secondary breast cancer.
You can find other writings from Clare about grief and loss here
Links to Secondary Breast Cancer charities we support https://www.secondary1st.org.uk and https://www.make2ndscount.co.uk
Macmillan Cancer Support Helpline : 0808 808 00 00.
Marie Curie support and info : https://www.mariecurie.org.uk
Sandra Richardson REST IN POWER & POETRY 13.2.64 - 25.8.21
Originally published late 2021