Little wobbly bird legs…me (originally published late 2021)

Different Ground


“For you I was

strong as the sea

Hand held

Firm Tight

Protective Constant

Right there

Advocating

Holding Nurture

One hundred per cent

on your side

One step ahead

Making things

As right as I could

Ready to do battle

Steadfast

Dedicated

Gentle and fiercely loving

Beyond what I knew I could give

and god can I give

Not going anywhere

Here till the end and beyond

Now I have to

somehow

be that for myself

But it’s different

This is different ground

this strange new self

thrown into

daily tsunamis

Which you cannot

Hold back for me

The only way I can

describe how it feels

is to tell you

what I keep imagining

that my soul is

a tiny injured bird

no longer able to fly

Fallen out of a nest

It can never return to

I imagine how

I cup my hands gently

around its shape

too vulnerable

to touch

As it stumbles

Sways

The world too jolting

On high alert

I cannot be

What I was for you for me

Still I do my best

For this strange creature

Slowly slowly

I offer drops of water

A small taste

of this or that

Make a soft bed

cosy shawls

Wrap up

Move to quiet

safe spaces

Dim harsh lights

turn down the sun

Only invite

gentle kind people

To sit beside

Promise to try

Not to leave myself

Let time unfold

Not talk to you of

Learning to fly

Or other cliches

Wait with jagged breaths

Cup hands around

this startled shape

Try to tend to

these

shaky

little

birds

legs

To not turn

my face away “

Clare Jasmine Beloved written on 2nd October 2021

A Beloved Grief … diary entries and writing by Clare Jasmine Beloved after the death of her wife, Sandra Richardson from metastatic secondary breast cancer.

You can find other writings from Clare about grief and loss here

Links to Secondary Breast Cancer charities we support https://www.secondary1st.org.uk and https://www.make2ndscount.co.uk

Macmillan Cancer Support Helpline : 0808 808 00 00.

Marie Curie support and info : https://www.mariecurie.org.uk

Sandra Richardson REST IN POWER & POETRY 13.2.64 - 25.8.21

Originally published late 2021

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We are all our stories (originally published late 2021)