Julie Felix: I will meet you in the rip-tides Sista (31st March 2020)

Rip Tide : A dangerous area of strongly moving water in the sea, where two or more currents meet. A strong force that is difficult to control.

Last week while the waves of the current world situation were washing over us I saw a post flash across my facebook screen saying RIP Julie Felix.

I felt suddenly tumbled over under water and it took a while to steady myself … just as it had some years back when Julie and I were splashing in the sea in Tulum and both got dragged under. “We are rip tide sistas” she had declared afterwards “strong women difficult to control”… it was the kind of deep juicy poetic thing Julie would always say… each throw away line a potential line of divine song.

This metaphor stuck and we would often finish each text with “meet you in the rip tides x”

The first time I met Julie was many years earlier as a wide eyed girl in my early twenties at The Goddess Conference in Glastonbury. I was presenting a workshop and had an exhibition of my art work. The conference was a strange one for me - full of incredible women and art but not really my place. I danced on the edges and ruffled some feathers. I came up against many egos at the conference and one or two great mothers of the womens spirituality movement who had a few sharp edges so it was a welcome relief to experience Julie as a lush mix of the divine and magical with a large dose of down to earth kindness.

Julie was one of the well loved favourites at the event. She was always seen rushing about the conference on a mission with a guitar on her shoulder. Always on her way to somewhere in a hurry, but as she swooshed past, she had a gorgeous air of the legendary about her…even before I knew that she was actually much more of a bloody big legend than I knew.

Hers was one of the only workshops I booked onto … when she spoke it was deeply warm and familiar, she told us about her mum whom she loved deeply and like a wild mother she sang us a soothing lullaby as we curled on cushions on the floor … “ la mer, la mar, the sea …today may she carry you home, back home to the sea”

I watched as women snuggled into the ocean womb like space she had created. It was a moment that will stay in my heart for a long time and I often draw on that feeling of safety and possibility when I am sacred or wobbly.

At the end of conference celebration ball each year the crowd went crazy when Julie got on the stage with goddess anthems that were perfect for the moment. Its a cliche I know but Julie was born to perform and somehow you felt like the songs belonged to everyone … somehow felt like Julie was your best friend even before she was.

It was years before I saw her again … an email arrived asking to book a place on my retreat across Mexico with ten mostly Liverpool women … “it’s just what I need” she said and I had a feeling she was right.

I told an old friend that Julie was coming along and she said “Julie is lovely, I was ill once at a residential where she was playing and she instantly gave up her bed for me” This was what many people have since said about Julie - that she was kind and unassuming but theres no denying she also had a powerful energy and didn’t suffer fools gladly and she often told me to “look after myself first” and the last thing she said to me was to treasure my creativity and space. There is a particular medicine that comes from being around older women who have a freedom about them and whose values are aligned with your own… a delicious permission giving and affirmation…a contrast to the often fear based suppression that many of our parents carry. If we get to be spend time around those rare characters we are privileged.

“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.” Jim Henson

Even though we had never really had any big conversations over the years up to that point, it was instant warmth between us, like old friends reconnecting after many years apart. I am sure I won’t be the only one who writes that of their friendship with Julie and what better quality to have than to instil an instant feeling of comradeship.

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She arrived late at night on Day of the Dead in Mexico City with her familiar guitar slung over her shoulder … humble, grateful and somehow with an air of beautiful vulnerability. I always wanted to look after Julie then remembering that she was well versed in travelling and looking after herself. She was so tiny, I hadn’t noticed how petite and small julie was once her huge larger than life self was off the stage.

She was soon one of the honorary Liverpool women, seeming to bask in the familiar informal style of the scouse women. She said she had never experienced anything like the safety and sassiness of our womens circles but then to sit in a circle of irreverent Liverpudlians who speak their mind is quite something!

She took much amusement in correcting our bad translations of Mexican names and places …“no” she would say impatiently … “Its Talllluuuuuum” the words dripped like poetic honey …unlike our rough version of “Tulum” Julie had a deeply mothering side but also brought out something that made you want to deeply mother her too.

They were a remarkable 10 days. We woke up on the last day to hear that Trump had been elected president and we gathered in circle stunned and Julie in shock. But she would always say to me “Clare you have to see the long game and in the long game we will overcome”

We both loved the sea and its where I will remember Julie the most, splashing and playing on the beach in “Tuluuuum”. Our journey across the lush landscape of Mexico was serenaded by her sultry songs with the highlight being an incredible tiny concert in Oaxaca with 12 of us gathered. She took the whole event as seriously as if it were the Albert Hall and was anxious that she would give us the very best performance. We created a stage and a dressing room with our friend Tricia on make up and me and some of the others pretending to be bad backing singers! It was the most magical concert I have ever been to … transporting us back to the 60s and weaving through the years and the stories.

The day after I left Tulum and Julie we heard that her friend the great Leonard Cohen had died … I was conscious that Julie was alone on the beach and tried to get back but there was no way of changing our flight. It had been quite the journey and then to hear this. Julie always told fabulous juicy stories of her days in Greece and London which had you gripped and drawn in but always without a hint of ego… that is a very rare thing in this world.

The next few years we met back and forth in London and Liverpool. One evening she was supposed to play in Liverpool she had bronchitis and we had to tuck her in the bed and almost lock her in the room to stop her performing…I said “Julie the show will go on but not tonight and thats the last word on it” which made her laugh and eventually agree.

When Julie finally gave the concert in my studio it was all the sweeter and I have this memory of everyone singing along as the sun was setting over the river and watching people enchanted by this legendary woman…it was gorgeous to share that incredible evening with my friends in my city. Julie came alive when she was singing … her energy, her voice , her high kicks and huge energy filled the sky…

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While in Liverpool Julie helped us paint a yurt we were making for young women in Knowsley and she got stuck into spray painting and joining in … the young women didn’t have any idea of who she was but they kept asking me was she a film star … I think it may have been the exotic accent! When she sang to them they were open mouthed and in awe… it takes quite somebody for them to have this reaction as the usual response is eye rolling and teenage face pulling.

I stayed at Julie’s when I was in London and we always linked arms and put the world to rights … Julie always thought I was way to busy and I always thought she was too! I am so glad we had those times wandering about London sharing stories. She used to laugh at how I hated doing “admin” and said it was a shared hatred and so we would often text and say “doing the dreaded admin”

We made a video about a month before she died for an on line class I was facilitating … I forgot till we started recording that Julie was a natural and so skilled in front of the mic and the video … while I wobbled she was a dream … we laughed hard, she sang to the women on the course although she said she usually didn’t sing till after 6pm!

I asked her did she have any advice for us all…to which she laughed loudly and said no but she did have plenty of experience!

Julie was a dreamer and loved travelling like me and unlike many people we both liked to not just talk about stuff but to make things happen ..we planned one day to go to Australia, to co host retreats in Lewis later this year, to travel to India, another concert in Liverpool and to meet again by the sea as soon as possible …

I texted Julie two weeks ago on my birthday as I walked by the sea with the promise we would meet again soon.

I have seen incredible articles since her death which list her many amazing accomplishments and one of the fullest lives well lived I have ever read about. I have also seen many people speak of what a dear friend she was to them and this is also how I will most remember ‘Our Julie’ as we would say in Liverpool.